it hurts more in the daytime
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
