just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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