Me too!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
