I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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