I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
