Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
