Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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