I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize