omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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