things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm always down for nudity.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
