dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
