in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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