every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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