I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
