I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
