Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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