My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
