Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
