Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
3pm strippers are depressing
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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