I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
