guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
