i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
