Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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