At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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