It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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