we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
