Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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