I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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