Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
