she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize