Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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