and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
