I just pynch a tree in the face
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
