the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
