I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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