I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
