I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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