Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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