I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
