So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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