it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
