it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
