He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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