This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
