when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
