Moan for me like Helen Keller
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
