sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The uberlube is also flammable
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
