you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
