I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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