My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
