Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
