Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
