You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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