I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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