This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
