my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
