I'm gonna have a badass scar
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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