I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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