Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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