Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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